the engine on idle
somehow it is not clicking along so well the last few nights. Service went fine; the first Friday night is over with no one the wiser...but I feel out of sorts.
Its 1 AM, and I am sitting here, having just gotten home, redolent of wood smoke, stale sweat, meat, bleach, and etc etc. The SO is sound asleep, since she didn't have to come pick me up after work tonight.
I don't know if it is the fact that the last few nights I have been the single non native spanish speaker in the kitchen, or if it is just the 14+ hour days catching up with me, but I am not at peak performance...whatever the boss says that I am doing well or not. I wasn't as aware of things or as energetic, or as focused as I was on Tuesday...or even Monday for that matter. Don't get me wrong, I am still having a blast, and the 8+ hour shift doesn't seem like the previous shift at the other restaurant, but i don't feel like I did well. I certainly don't want to end up nicknamed 'caballo' like the other sous chef...I want to be respected on the line for my ability to perform.
Luckily tomorrow is a day off to recoup and regroup and begin the week again on Sunday with mothers day evening service.
Are the 'cultural' differences to big? I used to not think so, but now I am not so sure. I do speak spanish...just really really rusty...and I am only fluent so far...mostly kitchen speak, but I do get the gist of the conversations...most of the time. The other job is a different story...I spend my day prepping on my own and being ignored by the others mostly...once again, a full spanish speaking kitchen, but there I am not appreciated...more resented for taking hours away from cooks who have been there longer. (As this was the reason I was hired....well, anyway)...so I feel bad....I don't want to take other peoples hours...especially at a place where I don't really want to be...so I kinda work and move through the day. maybe this is carrying over into the other place at night. It is hard to adjust and refocus after a mentally stressful morning during the 15 minute walk across downtown. Especially if it is as hot and muggy as it has been recently.
The CdC says that I shouldn't worry, that the cooks are happy that I am there because the other sous gets weeded badly, and I dont...but...I feel like I do...even if it is just the simple fact that I am only on the day 4 of the station. I know I am wanted by the CdC and the owners...feedback is solicited both ways and we have good conversations about the food and seasoning and about what the charcuterie trainee did today to eff up the breakfast sausages for brunch, so I know it will be ok...but it continues to be hard to fit 'in' with the rest of the cooks across the conversation barrier...especially in a long term team such as this one...will I be the FNG? Or something else? Worse? Better?
So anyway...off to shower and sleep...after some B&J chocolate fudge brownie
Its 1 AM, and I am sitting here, having just gotten home, redolent of wood smoke, stale sweat, meat, bleach, and etc etc. The SO is sound asleep, since she didn't have to come pick me up after work tonight.
I don't know if it is the fact that the last few nights I have been the single non native spanish speaker in the kitchen, or if it is just the 14+ hour days catching up with me, but I am not at peak performance...whatever the boss says that I am doing well or not. I wasn't as aware of things or as energetic, or as focused as I was on Tuesday...or even Monday for that matter. Don't get me wrong, I am still having a blast, and the 8+ hour shift doesn't seem like the previous shift at the other restaurant, but i don't feel like I did well. I certainly don't want to end up nicknamed 'caballo' like the other sous chef...I want to be respected on the line for my ability to perform.
Luckily tomorrow is a day off to recoup and regroup and begin the week again on Sunday with mothers day evening service.
Are the 'cultural' differences to big? I used to not think so, but now I am not so sure. I do speak spanish...just really really rusty...and I am only fluent so far...mostly kitchen speak, but I do get the gist of the conversations...most of the time. The other job is a different story...I spend my day prepping on my own and being ignored by the others mostly...once again, a full spanish speaking kitchen, but there I am not appreciated...more resented for taking hours away from cooks who have been there longer. (As this was the reason I was hired....well, anyway)...so I feel bad....I don't want to take other peoples hours...especially at a place where I don't really want to be...so I kinda work and move through the day. maybe this is carrying over into the other place at night. It is hard to adjust and refocus after a mentally stressful morning during the 15 minute walk across downtown. Especially if it is as hot and muggy as it has been recently.
The CdC says that I shouldn't worry, that the cooks are happy that I am there because the other sous gets weeded badly, and I dont...but...I feel like I do...even if it is just the simple fact that I am only on the day 4 of the station. I know I am wanted by the CdC and the owners...feedback is solicited both ways and we have good conversations about the food and seasoning and about what the charcuterie trainee did today to eff up the breakfast sausages for brunch, so I know it will be ok...but it continues to be hard to fit 'in' with the rest of the cooks across the conversation barrier...especially in a long term team such as this one...will I be the FNG? Or something else? Worse? Better?
So anyway...off to shower and sleep...after some B&J chocolate fudge brownie
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