me

So , I admit that I use this medium to complain about my situation a lot. I use it as an area to vent because I dont have a close cooking camaraderie to complain too. There is no commiseration, not easy feeling of being a line cook with other people who understand you or how you feel, where I work. So really this is a good place for me to vent my frustrations.

I respect the hell out of Richie at linecook.com. He is a young passionate cook, in the priming stages of his career, doing food he loves, in a place he loves. And I wish I was in his shoes again. Maybe I would make different decisions. But I was and am not. And he is not in mine.

I dont know if this rant is directed at me, but it comes at a time that fits with what I said in the previous post. And it hits home with me....

’a quick rant.
are you finding yourself dreading work? do you stand there with your arms folded, a sour look on your face, and a shitty attitude during service? are you just going through the motions, working towards your friday? are you interested in progressing anymore? do you communicate through shrugs and mumbled insults? have you gotten too comfortable? if so, then please fuck off and stop cooking already. if you really do love cooking, then please go cook somewhere that suits you. no one is chained to their job--so stop being a baby and acting like you can’t leave. do something you probably haven’t done in your entire career and take a motherfucking risk. so what if you fall flat on your face? at least then you’ll have perspective. thank you, you may now continue reading.’

like I said..it hits home.

If I could go back, 18 years and go to culinary school instead of college...

if I could go back 11 years, and go to culinary school right after college,

if I could go back and not have gotten married and not have had a child and then gone through a divorce...

if, instead of all the corporate restaurants, I could have worked at mom and pop chef’s restaurants,

if I had not moved across the country twice,

if I had lived in sfc or nyc, instead of lubbock, tx.

if only....

if all that hadn’t happened then I wouldn’t be me...I would be someone else...

You are defined by the choices in your life that you have made...whether you felt like they were a choice or not, these have influenced you throughout your career. Did stay and suck it up? Did you walk out? Did you go for money? Did you follow all the ’celebrity’ chef’s advice and work and slave under some master in obscurity until you had picked up their style? Did you follow the corporate route? The hotel? The garde manger? Are you a pastry chef? A savory cook? Did you cook california cuisine? Italian? French? Indo-chinese mexican russian canadian locavore fusion?

I have not always made the right choice in becoming a chef...I have worked for companies that payed well, but that have had no soul...I have worked at a few places that I loved, but didn’t agree with the politics, I have worked with friends that I loved and who understood, but with whom I couldn’t pay my bills. And I have acquired a great set of skills and knowledge that I might not have gotten otherwise, and have a wonderful daughter whom I love and would not trade for any day spent in the kitchen.

Yeah sure...I could stop complaining about my situation and quit and find another job. I mean there is always a need for skilled cooks in our industry....despite the economy, the restaurant industry being off 20-30%, the ’chef’ job market shrinking as hiring is being frozen until we see what is happening...I could always work for minimum wage and no benefits...and work 3 jobs...

But there are things that have to be taken care of first...child support and insurance...student loan payments...accrued debt...moving expenses...etc. And so when the situation is right...these factors become irrelevant because they wont apply...the move will be covered, the student loans will be payed up current, the place I will be going to will provide insurance that will cover my child, the salary will cover the bills, and the atmosphere will be conducive to growth and challenge and passion.

But until the utopia presents itself...I am here on Hawaii...with a cost of living even higher than sfc, paying my bills, supporting and insuring my child, and not loving what I am doing to provide a roof over our heads.

These are all excuses. I know. If I wanted to change them I could right now. But until you walk in the other person’s shoes...than fuck off.

And I will take all your other counsel under advisement Richie, because I think you are wise beyond your years and have a perspective that, much like Shuna Fish Lydon, makes me take a look at myself; and sometimes it makes me not like what I see. I take what you say with a grain of salt...and if it wasn’t directed at me, then understand, that I know the feeling of whomever you have directed it at.