enough

How do you know when enough is enough?

When the constant ’coaching’ leaves you angry? When the feelings that you feel are echoed by those around you? When you are called a ’cancer in the system? When you do everything in your job description and do it well enough that you dont get ’input’, but instead you get ’conversations’ about your attitude? When these conversations begin with ’well you have three options: you can quit, you can continue having a poor attitude and we can fire you, or you can suck it up like a man and do what we tell you to do and maybe in X number of months be promoted out.’ or ’if your so unhappy then you should quit today’. When, on your first day in the kitchen, 5000 miles from where you were two days before, and without any training/coaching/direction, you set up your cutting board on an empty table with your back to the kitchen because it is the open space, and this is brought up at every ’coaching’ as the ’fact’ that you are an asshole or have an ’eff you’ attitude.

How do you know when to stay?

When your cooks ask you to come help them, and not your boss. When you get hugs from all the cooks after the rush; even from the ones who dont like to hug. When you are the one they say they would like to be expediting, or doing their menu, or scheduling them. When you get comments like, ’I havent seen a plate up go that smooth since I have been here’, or ’the clients were raving about their food after the last two lunches’, or ’we’re glad your here’, or ’this is the best lamb we have ever had’(repeatedly heard). When the catering sales staff are actually friendly to you now because you help them. When your peers come up to you for input on how to correct a problem/issue/situation/drama/computer glitch/first aid/being in the weeds session/etc.

Do I have an ego?

Because I am confident that the food I make is good? Because I see whats wrong and complain about it? Because I make suggestions and am shot down only to have those suggestions given back to me minutes/hours/days/months later? Because I know whats going on? Because I dont BS? Because I dont play politics? Because I dont want to stop what I am doing to talk to you when I can work and talk and listen at the same time? Because I dont think I need to take everything to the boss to be double checked? Because I think that if you have given me the responsibility, you should trust me to take care of business until I finish, or until I eff up and then you shouldn’t trust me any more. Because when I make a dish one day that the boss raves about all day and has three helpings of and then when I change the menu item to reflect that dish without checking with him because he liked it so much the first time and then get a little cranky when I get chewed out about it? Because I think that the assistant boss should be the first among equals and be the example that we should all be striving towards? Because at the job before this one, things ran completely different than here and yet we are supposed to be held to the same standards; I dont like that we aren’t? Because I can plan and execute and dont feel like I need my hand held? Because I communicate downwards to the people who make things happen, and not so much upwards to the ones who dont? Because the boss at the old hotel, who has the characteristics of Gordan Ramsey, infused you with one management style, and ’Tony’, the assistant boss, who was the hardest working person in the kitchen showed you another, and these are your role models because the other chefs were a) burned out, b) drugged out, c) fired, and yet because you are like them you dont fit in here? Because I dont think you have to smile and talk story to be good at your job? Because my ’focused’ face is intense and makes people think that I am pissed? Because I dont like two bosses telling me two different things on how to do the same function/plate/platter/set up/dish up or waiting until you have begun to change everything. Because I dont think there are VIPs...because everyone should be treated as a VIP? Because I dont think the hotels’ owners/managers/bosses/corporate bigwigs should get preferential treatment over people who are paying to stay/eat here?

Do I have an attitude problem?

That my expectation is that for you to do your job is the standard requirement and that you shouldn’t have to be praised for doing what is required of you...that you should earn praise by going above and beyond what is required of you, to do it better, faster, smarter, cleaner...that for you to exceed expectations should be the minimum. You know the old saying...’to be on time is to be late...to be early is to be on time.’ Because I see the world as a pessimist? Because if I expect you to eff up, then when you dont. I am pleasantly surprised, but if you do, then I am prepared for it.

What is it that I want?

To work in a place that is as passionate about food and cooking as I am. Where the ingredient is loved for what it is, where it came from, who raised it, and who cooked it. Where the food is not just an add on...as it is in banquets. To work where the food is not the same as all the rest (pacific rim) of the restaurants in town; where it is good because it was grown that way and prepared that way, not because it is the only option to eat at. To work where the cooks, the chefs, the servers, the bartenders, the managers, and the guests understand.