relief

My biggest fear and dread, and really mistake was...that I did not copy any of my old posts...a)because I did not know how, b)was a little ’spooked’ at the time I made this decision, and c) was kind of too lay and apathetic about what had gotten me in trouble. And now I do regret not having any of ’that past’.

And I also felt fear that, although I did not have a large readership, there were a few who I respected that I didn’t want to lose. And now, to my relief, one of them has ’found’ me and commented. Thank you Shuna.

In order to have my ’voice’, it has always been that I pretend that I dont really care about what other people think. But the secret to that is that I always always always care about what other people think. And that is why I passive aggressively go off and blog about my concerns or issues or problems, and dont end up yelling at people, cursing my staff, or really dealing with any issues unprofessionally. Sarah once said that there are few people who ’get’ me, and those few are the ones that I value as chefs and friends and cooks. She should know, she is one of those people who got the verbal ’blogging’ when I had issues when we shared an employer. I try to be profesional at work...and so my anger and frustration come out as a serious face and sarcastic tongue. And apparently sarcasm is not an effective teaching tool...but occasionally it does get the point across. And that way I dont have to slap you silly and tell you how much of a complete imbecile I feel that you are. And so forth.

So in the real world I remain focused on my job, I am way to serious for my surroundings(according to my bosses)...but it is my name on the menu now, ’I should smile more and be more approachable’, but the people who are telling me this are not putting in the hours or dealing with the crackheads and issues, not rolling out their new menus, not dealing with incompetent managers, and not having to put up with the operational BS that goes on in the restaruants. Its a wonder I am not a nervous wreck. Instead I am a neutral faced, stern voiced, black and white type of guy...I gave up cursing and throwing knives ten years ago...I gave up thinking that things will work out for the best if let alone a few years ago...and now I am a pessimistic and bitter, but capable and skilled chef.

And I am the bad guy...the devil in white...the chef with the horns...the root of all problems...Pshaw......I have expectations...fairly high ones...that things need to be a certain way. Restaurants should run a certain way...servers should act a certain way, serve a certain way...and not have to ’remind the manager to do XYX everynight’ as one of the laminated sidework duty sheets posted to their doors states. DO your servers have to remind your managers how to do their jobs? Do you get a new manager almost everynight? Does your manager go home at 8 pm...when the restaurant closes at 930 pm...and doesnt even have to check out the staff?

This is why I have stepped on some toes...because I am blunt and straightforward at work and politely but sternly tell it like it is and how things should be done...and apparently ’talk to everyone like they are idiots and make them feel like poop(expetive deleted)’...and then I bite my tongue (because I do think a lot of them are not doing a very good job or know what to do)...and then come home a ’vent’ to you all. And when it has been discovered by whomever it was that discovered that I a) blogged, b) have blogged from work(a big no no), and c) blog about people who drive me up the wall...I am then given stern talkings to and then randomly commented about in conversational dramas.

And so it goes...

The new menu is coming along, sales are steady, new items are selling well, the servers are getting used to things(it seems), and I am having to tweak the cooks only slightly...because sometimes they only think they know better than I, and sometimes they do...and so we go back and forth. The next step is to get a new dessert menu up and running...a drama in its own right. The ’pastry chef’ does not like to work at any extra things...and the current menu has been in place for twenty years it seems like, so a new one form me using modern components and plating techniques is going to throw a monkey wrench in their day. But then again, my savory cooks have to execute the menu, and about half the prep...like making tuiles, sauces, garnishes, and ice creams...so it might be a PIA for everyone...but if I can gut out the savory menu and turn it around...then I can do the sweets too.